Types of knowledge

Some one quoted this for fun, but I can’t help wondering about the truth in it.

All knowledge falls within three kinds:
1. To know directly
2. To know how to acquire it from where, when and who
3. To know the right key words for the search box.

Made me think

The human brain is divided into two halves. The right half has nothing left in it and the left half has nothing right in it.

- The Times of India, SMS joke of the day, 12th November 2008

Why Guys Can’t Win

Link

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it’s favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp.
If you don’t, you’re insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a control freak.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s manipulation.
If she asks you, it’s a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re self-centered.
If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something.
If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re an egotist.
If you’re not, you’re not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she’s tired.
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

Asking the right question

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, “Why don’t you ask the Priest?”

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, ” Father, may I smoke while I pray ?”

The Priest replies, “No, my son, you  may not! That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”

Jack goes back to his friend and  tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, “I’m not  surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”

And so Max  goes up to the Priest and asks, “Father, may I pray while I smoke ?”

To which the Priest eagerly replies, “By all  means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to.”

Moral of the story is, “The reply you get depends on the question you ask.”

Courtesy : Anonymous forwarded e-mail

Whataburger!!!

Texans sure know Whataburger.

I’ve never been to eat there. What is in a burger, after all?

When I returned from office today, I just hit the bed and it was like 7 p.m. I can now faintly recollect my wife asking me what I’d like to have for dinner and me telling her something light, like the onion buns we picked from Walmart. She asked me if I would like to have chicken between the slices and I said yes. She asked if I’d like some cheese or butter and I declined. I dont remember anything that happened after that, as I crashed for some much needed rest.

8.30. pm. My wife woke me up and served me dinner almost  by force. I refused to let her turn the lights on. I sat up on the bed without even slipping out of the blanket entirely and looked the sliced Walmart onion bun that was on my plate in a dim light that originated from the next room. I lifted the top half and to my relief found some thing filled in between  though it didn’t add a lot of volume. I knew that filling would change the taste of my bun. Half asleep, I bit into it…and chewed on it.

Whataburger!

It had 1 cm cubes of chiken, a paste of potato, chillies, onions, coriander and traces of many other masalas all of which showed up at once.

I didn’t wake up after the first bite. But by the time, I finished half of it, I had the lights on and was pretty much conscious. My wife figured that I liked ‘it’ and and offered to make me one more.

After two “super Indian style ‘it’s/’whataburgars”, I demanded a large glass of diet coke to be served at my bed. No sooner than I finished my coke, I jumped out of my bed and reached for my laptop.

I am good now and fully prepared to take on an official call at 10 pm, which I’m secretly hoping won’t come. But it might.
“Ghar ka whataburghar” took me by surprise. Ghar ka khana can indeed open up new possibilities :)

Wisdom of Larry, the Cable Guy

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the hell happened?”
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Monkey film

Well, I thought that these .mp3 files at www.ernestcline.com were hilarious.

http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/Nerd_Porn_Auteur-Ernie_Cline.mp3

http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/When_I_Was_A_Kid-Ernie_Cline.mp3

http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/Airwolf-Ernie_Cline.mp3

http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/The_Geek_Wants_Out-Ernie_Cline.mp3

http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/Dance_Monkeys_Dance-Ernie_Cline.mp3

Not any more. Watch DJ Stelio’s pick from YouTube.

A user has commented:

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is to convince the world he doesnt exist. Science is man made and thus flawed. Nothing man made is perfect. But the universe is so intrinsically balanced that to dismiss it as coincidence is just stupid. “The world is flat”, “The atom is the smallest thing”, scientic facts always turned out to be bullshit!”

This is deep, Ha Ha Ha !

 

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ROTFL

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God She asked “Is my time up?” God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.” Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied,”I didn’t recognize you”.

ATM

A joke that made me laugh.

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on.