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- Smile — it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
- If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
- Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
- Someday is not a day of the week
- Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
- Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’
- The road to success is always under construction.
- When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
- Born free; Taxed to death.
- Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don’t have film.
- Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
- I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
- The hardest part of skating is the ice.
- The trouble with being punctual is that there’s no one there to appreciate it.
- It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
- Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers)